I can think of at least three separate occasions over the course of my life where I'm walking down the sidewalk with someone I'm secretly pining for and we stumble across a scattering of abandoned playing cards. Is this a common occurrence among the general population? Like, you're going past a bar (it's always a bar!) and on the ground there's this abandoned deck of cards speckling the pavement, like the left-over bones of a carcass out in the desert that remain long after the wild animals have ripped it apart.
For most people, this is a unique enough occurrence that it warrants a verbal acknowledgement. "Huh," someone says, "Look at that." Your mind races. How did this happen? It might be a crime scene. And you and your secret crush's necks twist around as your pace slows, taking in the different numbers and suits, some facing up, some face down, while
The Card Cheat starts playing in your head, or some scene from a movie about riverboat gamblers.
My question is this: when in this situation, walking along with the object of your (secret) affection, do you silently pray to come upon the two of hearts? Like, both your eyes fixate on that particular card, then you both look up at each other? Because of course the inevitable next thing would be for your crush to realize that, wow,
I love you too! and it's the most pure and beautiful thing ever, and you didn't even have to put yourself out there because the card did all the talking for you.
When I was in college I worked in the English department's administrative office. One day, with the radio broken and everyone else on vacation, I decided to start reading a stack of essays that one of the professors had graded earlier in the week. I read exactly one, by a male student whose name I did not recognize. He talked about how his ultimate dream was to some day live in a small town in Maine not unlike the fictional town of
Cabot Cove, because to him the epitome of bliss was riding his bicycle through town and waving at people. He enjoyed being close to the coast because it allowed him to walk along the beach and look for rocks. For some reason, he sheepishly said, he always hoped to find heart-shaped rocks. Uh, DREAMBOAT ALERT!
It was probably a fortunate thing that Facebook didn't exist back then and people's names were only Google-able if you were exceedingly world famous, because I would have internet-stalked the shit out of this guy, had a friend drop a deck of cards outside his dorm's front door, then accidentally-on-purpose bump into him on my way to class. There's no question that my two of hearts card scenario would have worked perfectly with him; it would have been like shooting fish in a barrel. Insta-boyfriend. But I suppose it's fitting that in all the times I've walked by orphaned playing cards on the sidewalk, whether alone or with someone, I have never once seen that elusive two of hearts. In fact, just the other day I stumbled upon a spray of cards outside
Orbit Room (see! another bar!) and that solitary ace you see above was the closest I could get. Yet I strode on down the sidewalk. Maybe that's the lesson here, to play your hands the best way you know how, and not wait for twists of fate to make the decisions for you.